For much of my twenties, I shied away from vulnerability — not just in myself, but in those around me. It made me uneasy, and promised to take up time I didn’t feel I had as a college student to spare on feelings and emotions. Like the other hard-nosed millennials I walked my campuses with, heavily influenced by the melodic vitriol of songs advocating partying like a rockstar and keeping our options open that played in our headphones, I didn’t have time for anything that resembled catching feelings and certainly not expressing feelings — not seriously, anyway.
In retrospect, possibly while we weren’t looking, it seems like vulnerability became this thing that no one wanted to express — a sign of weakness or a sure-fire way to get your feelings hurt or your heart broken. Not just vulnerability in intimate relationships, but practically in general.
Defined as easily hurt or harmed physically, mentally, or emotional or open to attack, harm, or damage, vulnerability is one of the key emotions of humankind. Despite its modern-day connotation and denotation, vulnerability keeps us taking risks, meeting new people, staying humble, and chasing our goals and dreams. Simply put, I’ve learned that we can’t truly have lived a substantive life without it.
As essential to life as breathing, the practice and expression of vulnerability in our lives takes strength, courage, and faith. Believe it or not, it’s much harder to be vulnerable in most situations than it is to put up walls and guards to keep others out or away when they hurt, anger, or disappoint us. However, the expression of vulnerability is one of the strongest human qualities we possess because it requires us to examine our feelings, our ideals, our values, and our existence as billions of folks roaming this planet.
One of the best lessons I continue to learn is that there is power in my vulnerability and in yours…and even in your ex’s. Just by realizing this fact (yes, issa fact) alone, I’m constantly developing better friendships and relationships without being plagued by the fear of being open when it comes to feelings and emotions.
Still not sold? Challenge yourself to be more open, more authentic — whether with your lover, your brother, or your mother — even if it’s just for a week.
Start even smaller by asking yourself questions like in what area(s) could vulnerability change your life? How could being more vulnerable affect your interactions with those around you?
*Photo illustration by Ceaphas Stubbs